Welcome

 In May of 2010, I met the man I knew I was going to fall in love with and marry.  We had our first date on May 19, 2010 and it just got better from there....  We actually knew each other from a car club years before and reconnected all these years later, but we didn't realize it until we were talking about friends, and found we had some in common. Only then did we figure out that we had met before.  We hit it off well and got very close very quickly.  Everything just seemed to be going right for us..  It truly was love at first sight with Robert and me.  About a month after we started dating we announced our engagement to everyone, most were happy for us, some were shocked but we were happy so that's all that mattered was our happiness and that of our close family!

We set the wedding date for October 19,2010 at Circus Circus in Las Vegas and with that being four months away we figured we had plenty of time to plan and pay for everything and have the reception back home in California!  We talked about having a child but honestly thought it wasn't in the cards for us!  Because when I was 21, I got into a very bad car accident, a drunk driver hit me and my world got turned upside down!  I broke my back, crushed my legs, was paralyzed and in a coma for over 8 months!  I had to learn how to walk, talk, read and write, and speak all over again.  It was the hardest time in my life, at least till this point in time....  With a lot of therapy and a lot of hard work I slowly started walking and learning how to write and speak once again!  I was also living with Fibromyalgia; it’s a disease that causes widespread pain all over my body with no cure!  By the time Robert and I started dating I was no longer using a wheelchair unless it was a bad day that I would get from time to time.  Most days I could walk and some days I was stuck in bed unable to move! 

Following my accident, I was told I would never have any children!  For one thing: I was on a lot of medications and I had not had a period for ten years!  They said I had PCOS (periods only once in a while or lack of periods all together) and it's very hard to have a baby when you don't have a period...  When I was told I would not be able to had children, I was in my early twenties and I wasn't ready for kids anyways.  Now I was almost 31 years old, and I was so sad for my future because I wanted to settle down and have a family!  I knew whatever god had in store for me, was what he wanted, if it was his will I would have children!  Robert was okay with me not giving him a child, as he had an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship!  He would tease me all the time you will have my baby...  I would smile and laugh it off, but thought to myself ‘it’s never going to happen’

So with four months till our wedding we did the planning, I got my beautiful princess wedding dress, I always wanted to wear...  About the time I started dating Robert I started to have some bleeding. My periods had magically returned, I was in shock and so happy, I figured after our wedding we could try for a family!  On July 12th, 2010, I started getting really nauseated.  I never had this type of nausea before it was different then the nausea I got from my chronic pain and then I started episodes of nonstop vomiting and when I say non stop it was from morning till the next day and the next day after that.  Sometimes it would be 50-100 times in one day that I vomited!  I had bad pain in my stomach, I couldn't keep any of my medications down, my throat was so raw and I was vomiting blood, I couldn't even swallow my own saliva without vomiting it was really bad! Anytime my husband or mother in law would cook food, I would have to shut the door and put a towel in the crack of the door and get under my covers and cover my face with a towel because the smell would get to me!  I usually loved the smell of my husband’s cooking but it was making me very very sick!  My sense of smell was enhanced alot for some reason way more than normal! Finally, my hubby took me to the ER when I was vomiting every single day without a break and I was treated for the pain with morphine and didaudid!  I told them my husband and I were trying to have a baby but my periods just came back after ten years so can you run a test to be sure I’m not pregnant!  They tested me and it came out negative, I was a little disappointed even though I knew it most likely would never happen!  They told me it was food poisoning but Robert didn't think so.   My dear husband kept saying I know your pregnant Starr, I just know it, and it’s just too soon to tell!  I kept telling him “whatever Robert it’s not going to happen so don't get your hopes up!”  I got released from the emergency room and went home, I was so sick once again with the non-stop vomiting the very next day.  We tried to control it at home with Pedialyte and Jello water and ice cubes I could suck on.  No matter what I would eat or drink it always came back up, I tried crackers in the morning, 7 Up, Ginger ale , even wrist bands for motion sickness,  anything we could think of,  nothing was helping me.  My hubby went out and bought some home pregnancy test and I tested negative on each test and it was still saying I not pregnant!  I didn't understand why I was getting so sick every day. Was I dying? What the hell is causing me to be so sick?  Was something really wrong with me?  I honestly thought to myself if I'm not pregnant then I was very sick and I was going to slowly starve to death and die from whatever was wrong with me!  

After buying 15 or so tests my hubby went to the 99 cent store and spent his last $5 dollars out of his check and said try this and this time I took a test and it came out Positive.  I had two pink lines for the first time...  I was in shock to be honest; I took the rest of the tests he bought the next morning just to make sure that it wasn't a dream.  My husband kept saying I knew you were pregnant all along Starr.  I smiled and said you were right honey, but let’s see what the doctor says (we were just thinking ‘this is just morning sickness, it will go away after the first trimester’) I wrote my OBGYN asking for a blood test and went in to test my HCG level and I looked up the results up on my HMO's website and it was at 500, she didn't write me back right away and I was wondering what does this mean?  Am I indeed pregnant?  I wrote her an email and she said make an appointment to come see me so we can make sure this is a viable pregnancy and that the baby is attached in the right spot! She said with my history don't get too excited because I could of been lossing the baby how sick I was or had a molor pregnancy! I wanted to be excited; I wanted this little life from the very start!  I told my best friend Kierra at the time all about what was going on and she said she knew this baby was going to be born and healthy.  I wanted to believe her so much.   She also said you're having a girl Starr.  I laughed when she told me and said I hope so but I just wanted a healthy baby! I told her.  You will be there with me when we find out the sex anyway silly!  This was a Friday and I didn't see my OB until Monday.  I started to have very bad cramping.  The cramping got so bad that night my hubby picked me up and carried me to his truck and off to the emergency room we went.  This would be one of the many many trips I would take to get help!  I got right in and they said we will repeat blood work check your HCG level and go from there, they hooked me up to fluids. They said I looked dehydrated I said I had been vomiting all night long.  They said it was so early in my pregnancy it was hard to tell if I could be having a miscarriage or not...  My hubby and I prayed when the doctor left the room for our little angel to be safe!  The doctor came back later and said my HCG level has gone up since the last time they tested me.  He said if it keeps going up it’s a good sign and after the first three months it would be safe to say I wasn't going to miscarry.  He said all the vomiting was normal morning sickness and it will go away by 12-15 weeks.  He said I should look in to seeing a high risk doctor because of all my health problems and the medication I was on!  He said I was very blessed to get pregnant and to take it easy when I get home and get some rest!  I got discharged after four bags of fluids and shots of intravenous Zofran and Reglan and a GI cocktail!  We were on the way home on the 57 freeway and my phone rings at 3:30am I was thinking who is calling this late ... I answer saying  “hello” and it was Kierra's boyfriend.  I asked if everything was ok and he said “she is gone” I said what?  With tears in my eyes, I said what happened he said she was driving with her daughter Amanda in the back seat and got hit head on the 71 highway.  I said are they ok and he said Kierra is gone Starr!  I started cryin so hard I could hardly breathe I thought I was going to have an asthma attack!  My dear hubby is driving and keeps saying what's going on?  WHAT'S GOING ON STARR??  He was tapping my shoulder.  I asked if Amanda was ok. I was told that she was in children's ICU.  I just dropped the phone and was screaming to my husband; "Kierra is gone, oh my gosh she's gone”.  My best friend that I could count on for anything was gone! I can't believe this is happening, even my husband was crying with me trying to drive and focus on the road!  He said he was sorry that I lost my friend and he wished he could have met her.  I was crying so hard I could barely breathe.  My best friend wasn't going to be here for me! 

We made it home but later that nite after I finally knocked out from crying myself to sleep.  I woke up feeling so ill so sick to my stomach.  A feeling, that I would have with me the whole pregnancy. I started vomiting and like clockwork it was non-stop. I tried my hardest to suck it up.  It was just morning sickness right?  Everyone was telling me it was.  I thought I was just being extra weak due to the baby but I also thought all mothers can't go through this, something not right here!!!   About after the tenth time of Robert asking me "you want to go to the hospital now?" I said yes, as the vomiting wasn't letting up it was just getting worse, it wouldn't let me breathe.  I couldn't even swallow my own saliva without puking.   I was trying to deal with it and hold out till I saw my doctor on Monday, but the pain was just too bad and the vomiting wouldn't stop! I wanted to stay home and not be a baby but it was just getting worse not any better!  My throat was burning and I was vomiting blood!  We get to the ER and the nurse said to come inside we were at the window and she asks me has anyone told you that you have hyperemesis?  I said hyper what?  What is that?  This was the first time I heard the word… What was it? What did it mean?  I couldn't look it up on my IPhone, since there was no service in the ER.  I ask my hubby to ask the nurse how to spell it and to go Google it outside on his phone.  While he was outside they were trying to get an IV in me and after the seventh nurse tried I said this is BS I'm sick and none of you can get an IV in me.  Send someone who could or I’ll go to another hospital that knows what they are doing!  I was m